...so i touched it.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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