he shaved USA in his pubs
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Randomize
