It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
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She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
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She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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