Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
