Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
