The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
