garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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