just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I'm too high and old for this...
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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