no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
