capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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