I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
So apparently I’m into choking now
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