weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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