Whats the glycemic index on semen?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
