my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
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