so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
