He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Randomize
