According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
