Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
