my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Randomize
