We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
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Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
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I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
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