I would go down on you faster than GM stock
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
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