Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
