when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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