My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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