You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
