forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
