thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
