i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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