She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
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