five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Randomize
