you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
