I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
