Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize