That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
