i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
