so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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