So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
