Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
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