How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
