Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
