It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
