I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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