I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
