I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I have already put on my inside pants.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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