The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
