If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize