Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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