The maid of honor just puked.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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