Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
