There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
