I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
