Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
