I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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