It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
