see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
