It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Randomize
