he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
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