Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
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On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
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trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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