At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
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i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
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You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
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