He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
