Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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