My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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