so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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