Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
