she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I'm getting married
To pizza
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
