i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
