Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
