So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
