I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
